Lets Talk About It: Your Shorts.

I'm going to start with this synopsis so that if you don't have time to read today, then at least you have this:

Definitely yes, but not on you:

No.

No.

 

No.

Definitely 'No.' Ever. 

Easy enough, right?

Now, for the explanation:

Short denim shorts: Lets be honest: unless your twenty, young, beautiful, and female, then there is no way you can pull these off. Its not cute, its not funny. Don't wear them.

Cargo shorts: I doubt you're planning on starting a career as a smuggler, so these shorts should never be a part of your wardrobe. They make you look bulky, awkward, and unbalanced-- and those are adjectives that no one likes used descriptively.

Camo shorts: Don't wear camo unless you've earned it (i.e going to war, hunting, etc). And fyi, wearing camouflage  to Walmart on a Saturday = you haven't earned it. Keep trying. 

Plaid shorts: This trend began and ended almost as soon as this one did:

And we're all truly grateful for that, aren't we? 

Hawaiian print shorts: Made exclusively for George Clooney and your grandpa. Not for you, gentlemen.

Now lets talk about a solution:

Introducing, 'flat front shorts.'

Easy, clean, timeless.

Its simple and basic, just like today's post. But, as in life, its always better to keep things "short" and sweet if you ask me.

That's all folks! 

Cheers.

--Dapper Chris

Courage, Men!

Courage: the ability to face danger, difficulty, uncertainty, or pain without being overcome by fear or being deflected from a chosen course of action.

Today, we go beyond what you're wearing, eating, or smelling like and talk about what it means to be a man-- men are courageous. 

How can you expect yourself to meet the woman of your dreams without a little chutspah? (if you need to google that word to find out what it means, we won't hold it against you...unless your Jewish and do, in fact, speak Yiddish).

Let's play out a scenario; we'll entitle it "Afternoon at the Cafe."

The scene opens with you, at a cafe, sitting near a beautiful woman.

You: (remain silent)
<<turn to face the beautiful woman>>

Her: (looks up from her meal and notices you)

...and now what?

You are a confident, well-groomed, well-dressed, independent man (and if you're not, you're getting there!) She's a beautiful woman with kind eyes and a copy of a popular novel sitting next to her grilled cheese sandwich. What do you do?

You: (casually, referring to her book) I've heard great things about that book.

Her: I've really enjoyed it so far.

You: Hi, my name is [Your Name Here]

Her: Hello.

You: Do you have a minute? I'd love to hear more about that book.

Her: I'm actually leaving now, but it was nice to meet you.
<<she quickly gathers her things and gets up to leave>>

The End.

"But wait!" --you may say-- "She just walked away and totally blew me off! I was courageous to even talk to her!"

Yes, it was courageous to talk to her, but that is not the true test of your courage. Real courage is pulling yourself up off of the ground and taking the opportunity to talk to the next beautiful woman that comes your way-- even after this tragic mishap.

Gentlemen, if I were to offer you any advice it would simply be this:

"Courage is more than simply being the bravest man in the bunch, it is being the man who is most willing to try again, even after an apparent failure."

So get back up on your feet, good sirs. Continue your search for love and adventure.

Cheers, my friends.

--Dapper Chris

What is Beautiful?

Today, a bit more serious post. Beauty. 

To begin, do not expect this to be step-by-step instructions on how to meet beautiful women. This is not that kind of post. Today, we talk about the definition of beauty and the ways in which we define it. 

To start, lets look at this woman:

Yes, she's beautiful. You would bring her back to your place on a Friday night and all of your friends would probably give you high-fives for meeting her, 'catching' her, and claiming her as your own. You'd be admired and respected, right?

Maybe. But is that realistic? Is that really what you're looking for?

The last time I checked, we were looking for a woman, not a status symbol. 

Now, lets be real. What is real beauty and what is a real woman?

Gentlemen, I challenge you to broaden your horizons. The woman above is Kate Upton. She's a 20 year old swimsuit model who has been featured in magazines like Sports Illustrated and Esquire. Its obvious why a million men around the world find her beautiful. 

But now think about the women in your life. Think about the last girl you took out to dinner. Think about the women you meet in the office or that you see on the street. Think about what catches your eye and delve in beyond the superficial. These women may not be super-models, and they may not cause your friends to cheer and congratulate you upon your arrival, but they are beautiful. 

Notice the little things. 

Freckles. 

A crooked smile. 

Beautiful eyes. 

Because at the end of the day its not the obvious things that will make her beautiful to you...

It will be the details.

And honestly, who cares what your friends think?
If they are alone at home, on a Friday night, waiting for you to bring someone home for them to judge, odds are that they're all probably single anyways. 

Cheers.

--Dapper Chris

Lets Talk About It: Your T-Shirt

Inspiration can come in the most interesting ways. Today, it came in the form of this:

Gentlemen, please. 

Lets take a step back. When you roll out of bed in the morning, open up your dresser, and pull this little gem of a shirt on, you are telling the world two things:

1) I don't respect myself and
2) I certainly don't respect you.

There is no woman who (in her right mind) would find you witty or attractive wearing something so blatantly offensive. And don't fool yourself into thinking that only "hot" girls will have the confidence to approach you when you wear a shirt like this.

I'm sorry, you're wrong.

Those girls will be too busy laughing with their attractive friends about how ridiculously juvenile you look in your ugly t-shirt. Which brings me to the next matter of concern:

What about this shirt says, "I am a well dressed, confident man"? Nothing. If anything, all this shirt says to a woman is:

"I spent too much money on a tacky piece of clothing, so you should know that whatever I get you for Christmas will probably follow the same trend."

And last but not least, why, WHY do we feel that this is okay:

You should be intelligent enough to talk for yourself at this point. Relying on your clothing to do it for you is simply...well...

pathetic.

So think about what you put on your back, gentlemen. Don't act stupid, and certainly don't look it. 

Cheers.

--Dapper Chris

Learn how to cook! Pt. 1

In 8,000 B.C. when a man wanted to impress a woman, he did two things:

1) Killed a mammoth

2) [More or less] grilled it. 

Easy, right?

Yet with the decline in cavemen and the early extinction of mammoths, this tradition has all but died in their absence. But lets observe the pattern here:

A man loves a woman SO he wants to impress her SO he finds some quality meat AND he prepares it in a way that is both tasteful and delicious (cavemen did the best with what they had, you can too!)

I don't care what anyone tells you; grilling is an essential aspect of masculinity. If you want to be a man, learn first how to buy meat and second, how to prepare it. 

Think of all those summer days in your backyard growing up-- your dad grilling on the porch and your mom in the kitchen making a potato salad-- did you ever hear her complain that your dad was helping her prepare a meal? 

No.

So be like dad (or a very dapper caveman) and make the effort to cook for your lady. 

It may not be mammoth and it may not be your dad's prime rib, but here is a good starter recipe for a man looking to make an impression:

Marinated Chicken Breast

To begin, you will need:

1 tablespoon of soy sauce

2 tablespoons of vegetable oil

1 tablespoon of Worcestershire sauce

1 teaspoon of lemon juice

2 tablespoons of brown sugar

2 tablespoons of ketchup

4 chicken breasts

Fresh basil

Clover honey, to taste

Go to the local super market and purchase the above ingredients. When buying chicken, ensure that it is Grade A and check that the meat is well sealed and that the packaging is not leaky. Check the sell-by date and stay away from meat with odd smells or odors. Chicken can range in color from yellow to pink to white, but stay away from chicken that has turned a gray color.

Gray chicken = bad news.

Once all ingredients have been collected, place soy sauce, vegetable oil, Worcestershire sauce, lemon juice, brown sugar, and ketchup in a bowl. Stir until the mixture well blended and devoid of any lumps.

Divide the mixture between two separate plastic bags. Place two chicken breasts in each bag and ensure that the mixture covers the meat. 

Let the chicken marinate for at least 6 hours (it may be wise to prepare the marinade in the morning and let the meat marinate all day in preparation for your special night).

Once marinated, grill the chicken until it is no longer pink in the center and has reached a temperature of 170 degrees. 

Place on a plate and garnish with finely chopped fresh basil. Finish with a glaze of honey to taste. 

And there you have it, gents!

Easy, delicious, and impressive. Just like mammoth.

Kind of.

Cheers.

--Dapper Chris

Lets Talk About It: Your Hair

Now that we have covered how to take care of your hair, lets discuss how to cut it.

To start, this is not acceptable:

He looks ridiculous. So do you. 

And this look?

Not acceptable, either.
He* looks ridiculous. So do you.

I think it wise to simply avoid any haircut that looks like you did it yourself in the dark. Agreed?

Now, some rules:

1) The 'gel look' died around the same time that this guy did (circa 1994):

--Sorry, John Candy. 
2) Your mom is not a hairdresser, or a barber. Fire her.
--Sorry, mom. 
3) Men go to barbers, not hairdressers. 
4) A good barber can only fix so much on a poorly cut head of hair; save your time and money and do it right the first time.

And lastly...

5) Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy a good haircut.

--And that's practically the same thing.

Find a good barber, and tell him what kind of looks you are interested in. Bring in some photos of cuts that you like and ask him if they would work with your hair. Remember, it is the barber's job to provide you with a quality experience and a quality cut. Don't be afraid to ask questions and to take your time doing so. 

And once your cut is over, ask the barber what products he suggests for styling your hair. Remember, take your time at the barber shop; this is your time to focus on you.

Keep this tips in mind, and you will be amazed at the results. Take care of yourself, gentlemen. Take care of yourself simply because you deserve it. 

And as a side note for the day, buy your mom some flowers; heaven knows she deserves it for all of the years she's been giving you those tragic haircuts. 

The woman tries, you know? You have to love her for that. 

Cheers.

--Dapper Chris

If you are struggling to find a barber, check out this website and others like it for recommendations:http://www.findbarbers.com/

*Not, in fact, a man. But now you know what you look like.