"Opening the Door"

Gentlemen--

You will have to forgive me for my extended hiatus. I have been taking time to seriously think about dating and relationships and as a result, have (maybe for the first time in my life) found myself at a loss for words. After careful consideration and weeks of in-depth introspection I have arrived at two pivotal questions: What does it take to fall in love with someone? What does it take to have someone fall in love with you?

If you have been reading this blog in excess, you may have come to the conclusion that there are ways to "make" someone fall in love with you. But here is the truth: you have been deceived, and I apologize because it has been by my hand. What does it take to fall in love with someone and to have them fall in love with you?

Certainly not a new wardrobe.

Arguably, not even a clean shave, great tastes in art or literature, or knowing the best place in town to find an excellent steak or gelato.

These things simply help open the door a little bit; they allow us to get just one foot into a room that we may have otherwise never had the chance to explore.

But then what? You have your foot in some beautiful, charming, intelligent woman's door...

But have you ever taken the time to think about the status of your own door?

Is there room for the woman in your life to put her foot in? For her to make an entrance, look around, and explore. Or have you, like so many other men (including myself) been nervous-- scared, even-- to let someone in? Have you kept the screen door shut so while the illusion of openness is there, the opportunity is never truly given to see the pictures in the hallway or the dirt in the corners.

Why do we date, gentlemen? For pleasant company? For short-lived connection?

No.We date to find true, honest, and enduring love.

A love that is not guarded nor blind, as there is never a screen door obscuring the view.

I know that these may be weighty sentiments, and I know that what I am saying may be atypical for this blog; but the advice I give in this post is the advice that I have, in these last few weeks, been trying with a great amount of effort to teach myself.

I want to be in love as much as anyone, and I'm proud to be the kind of man that a woman is pleasantly surprised to find wearing a collared shirt and taking her out to a nice dinner. But I must-- in all my earnestness to find someone who will love and understand me-- also remember that there is a time where I must forgo the "finesse" that often accompanies my dating practices and remember to simply be myself.

Lets be honest:

Sometimes, I eat at Wendy's after a long day at work. They make a damn good burger.

Sometimes, I like to sit alone on a Friday night and watch a Romantic Comedy-- by myself-- and laugh and cry because somewhere out there, two fictional characters have pulled all of their shit together in a way that works and made it hilarious in the meantime.

Sometimes, I say "shit" online, for all my friends and family to see. Its not dignified, its not classy, and its most definitely not a word that any gentleman should ever say...

But lets be clear: sometimes, I'm not a gentleman. I think its impossible to be one all of the time.

And that, my friends, is the the dirt tucked away in my corners; the portraits on the wall of my front room. The door is open, and if you don't like what you see I ask you to close the door behind you on your way out.

Let us not be afraid of the opening the door. Let us make a practice of keeping them open and never being ashamed of what there is to see on the other side. Because if you take anything away from this post let it be this:

Opening the door is, and always has been, the gentleman's way.

So be a gentleman, gentlemen.

Cheers.

--Dapper Chris

Lets Talk About It: Your Shorts.

I'm going to start with this synopsis so that if you don't have time to read today, then at least you have this:

Definitely yes, but not on you:

No.

No.

 

No.

Definitely 'No.' Ever. 

Easy enough, right?

Now, for the explanation:

Short denim shorts: Lets be honest: unless your twenty, young, beautiful, and female, then there is no way you can pull these off. Its not cute, its not funny. Don't wear them.

Cargo shorts: I doubt you're planning on starting a career as a smuggler, so these shorts should never be a part of your wardrobe. They make you look bulky, awkward, and unbalanced-- and those are adjectives that no one likes used descriptively.

Camo shorts: Don't wear camo unless you've earned it (i.e going to war, hunting, etc). And fyi, wearing camouflage  to Walmart on a Saturday = you haven't earned it. Keep trying. 

Plaid shorts: This trend began and ended almost as soon as this one did:

And we're all truly grateful for that, aren't we? 

Hawaiian print shorts: Made exclusively for George Clooney and your grandpa. Not for you, gentlemen.

Now lets talk about a solution:

Introducing, 'flat front shorts.'

Easy, clean, timeless.

Its simple and basic, just like today's post. But, as in life, its always better to keep things "short" and sweet if you ask me.

That's all folks! 

Cheers.

--Dapper Chris

Courage, Men!

Courage: the ability to face danger, difficulty, uncertainty, or pain without being overcome by fear or being deflected from a chosen course of action.

Today, we go beyond what you're wearing, eating, or smelling like and talk about what it means to be a man-- men are courageous. 

How can you expect yourself to meet the woman of your dreams without a little chutspah? (if you need to google that word to find out what it means, we won't hold it against you...unless your Jewish and do, in fact, speak Yiddish).

Let's play out a scenario; we'll entitle it "Afternoon at the Cafe."

The scene opens with you, at a cafe, sitting near a beautiful woman.

You: (remain silent)
<<turn to face the beautiful woman>>

Her: (looks up from her meal and notices you)

...and now what?

You are a confident, well-groomed, well-dressed, independent man (and if you're not, you're getting there!) She's a beautiful woman with kind eyes and a copy of a popular novel sitting next to her grilled cheese sandwich. What do you do?

You: (casually, referring to her book) I've heard great things about that book.

Her: I've really enjoyed it so far.

You: Hi, my name is [Your Name Here]

Her: Hello.

You: Do you have a minute? I'd love to hear more about that book.

Her: I'm actually leaving now, but it was nice to meet you.
<<she quickly gathers her things and gets up to leave>>

The End.

"But wait!" --you may say-- "She just walked away and totally blew me off! I was courageous to even talk to her!"

Yes, it was courageous to talk to her, but that is not the true test of your courage. Real courage is pulling yourself up off of the ground and taking the opportunity to talk to the next beautiful woman that comes your way-- even after this tragic mishap.

Gentlemen, if I were to offer you any advice it would simply be this:

"Courage is more than simply being the bravest man in the bunch, it is being the man who is most willing to try again, even after an apparent failure."

So get back up on your feet, good sirs. Continue your search for love and adventure.

Cheers, my friends.

--Dapper Chris

What is Beautiful?

Today, a bit more serious post. Beauty. 

To begin, do not expect this to be step-by-step instructions on how to meet beautiful women. This is not that kind of post. Today, we talk about the definition of beauty and the ways in which we define it. 

To start, lets look at this woman:

Yes, she's beautiful. You would bring her back to your place on a Friday night and all of your friends would probably give you high-fives for meeting her, 'catching' her, and claiming her as your own. You'd be admired and respected, right?

Maybe. But is that realistic? Is that really what you're looking for?

The last time I checked, we were looking for a woman, not a status symbol. 

Now, lets be real. What is real beauty and what is a real woman?

Gentlemen, I challenge you to broaden your horizons. The woman above is Kate Upton. She's a 20 year old swimsuit model who has been featured in magazines like Sports Illustrated and Esquire. Its obvious why a million men around the world find her beautiful. 

But now think about the women in your life. Think about the last girl you took out to dinner. Think about the women you meet in the office or that you see on the street. Think about what catches your eye and delve in beyond the superficial. These women may not be super-models, and they may not cause your friends to cheer and congratulate you upon your arrival, but they are beautiful. 

Notice the little things. 

Freckles. 

A crooked smile. 

Beautiful eyes. 

Because at the end of the day its not the obvious things that will make her beautiful to you...

It will be the details.

And honestly, who cares what your friends think?
If they are alone at home, on a Friday night, waiting for you to bring someone home for them to judge, odds are that they're all probably single anyways. 

Cheers.

--Dapper Chris

Lets Talk About It: Your T-Shirt

Inspiration can come in the most interesting ways. Today, it came in the form of this:

Gentlemen, please. 

Lets take a step back. When you roll out of bed in the morning, open up your dresser, and pull this little gem of a shirt on, you are telling the world two things:

1) I don't respect myself and
2) I certainly don't respect you.

There is no woman who (in her right mind) would find you witty or attractive wearing something so blatantly offensive. And don't fool yourself into thinking that only "hot" girls will have the confidence to approach you when you wear a shirt like this.

I'm sorry, you're wrong.

Those girls will be too busy laughing with their attractive friends about how ridiculously juvenile you look in your ugly t-shirt. Which brings me to the next matter of concern:

What about this shirt says, "I am a well dressed, confident man"? Nothing. If anything, all this shirt says to a woman is:

"I spent too much money on a tacky piece of clothing, so you should know that whatever I get you for Christmas will probably follow the same trend."

And last but not least, why, WHY do we feel that this is okay:

You should be intelligent enough to talk for yourself at this point. Relying on your clothing to do it for you is simply...well...

pathetic.

So think about what you put on your back, gentlemen. Don't act stupid, and certainly don't look it. 

Cheers.

--Dapper Chris

Learn how to cook! Pt. 1

In 8,000 B.C. when a man wanted to impress a woman, he did two things:

1) Killed a mammoth

2) [More or less] grilled it. 

Easy, right?

Yet with the decline in cavemen and the early extinction of mammoths, this tradition has all but died in their absence. But lets observe the pattern here:

A man loves a woman SO he wants to impress her SO he finds some quality meat AND he prepares it in a way that is both tasteful and delicious (cavemen did the best with what they had, you can too!)

I don't care what anyone tells you; grilling is an essential aspect of masculinity. If you want to be a man, learn first how to buy meat and second, how to prepare it. 

Think of all those summer days in your backyard growing up-- your dad grilling on the porch and your mom in the kitchen making a potato salad-- did you ever hear her complain that your dad was helping her prepare a meal? 

No.

So be like dad (or a very dapper caveman) and make the effort to cook for your lady. 

It may not be mammoth and it may not be your dad's prime rib, but here is a good starter recipe for a man looking to make an impression:

Marinated Chicken Breast

To begin, you will need:

1 tablespoon of soy sauce

2 tablespoons of vegetable oil

1 tablespoon of Worcestershire sauce

1 teaspoon of lemon juice

2 tablespoons of brown sugar

2 tablespoons of ketchup

4 chicken breasts

Fresh basil

Clover honey, to taste

Go to the local super market and purchase the above ingredients. When buying chicken, ensure that it is Grade A and check that the meat is well sealed and that the packaging is not leaky. Check the sell-by date and stay away from meat with odd smells or odors. Chicken can range in color from yellow to pink to white, but stay away from chicken that has turned a gray color.

Gray chicken = bad news.

Once all ingredients have been collected, place soy sauce, vegetable oil, Worcestershire sauce, lemon juice, brown sugar, and ketchup in a bowl. Stir until the mixture well blended and devoid of any lumps.

Divide the mixture between two separate plastic bags. Place two chicken breasts in each bag and ensure that the mixture covers the meat. 

Let the chicken marinate for at least 6 hours (it may be wise to prepare the marinade in the morning and let the meat marinate all day in preparation for your special night).

Once marinated, grill the chicken until it is no longer pink in the center and has reached a temperature of 170 degrees. 

Place on a plate and garnish with finely chopped fresh basil. Finish with a glaze of honey to taste. 

And there you have it, gents!

Easy, delicious, and impressive. Just like mammoth.

Kind of.

Cheers.

--Dapper Chris

Lets Talk About It: Your Hair

Now that we have covered how to take care of your hair, lets discuss how to cut it.

To start, this is not acceptable:

He looks ridiculous. So do you. 

And this look?

Not acceptable, either.
He* looks ridiculous. So do you.

I think it wise to simply avoid any haircut that looks like you did it yourself in the dark. Agreed?

Now, some rules:

1) The 'gel look' died around the same time that this guy did (circa 1994):

--Sorry, John Candy. 
2) Your mom is not a hairdresser, or a barber. Fire her.
--Sorry, mom. 
3) Men go to barbers, not hairdressers. 
4) A good barber can only fix so much on a poorly cut head of hair; save your time and money and do it right the first time.

And lastly...

5) Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy a good haircut.

--And that's practically the same thing.

Find a good barber, and tell him what kind of looks you are interested in. Bring in some photos of cuts that you like and ask him if they would work with your hair. Remember, it is the barber's job to provide you with a quality experience and a quality cut. Don't be afraid to ask questions and to take your time doing so. 

And once your cut is over, ask the barber what products he suggests for styling your hair. Remember, take your time at the barber shop; this is your time to focus on you.

Keep this tips in mind, and you will be amazed at the results. Take care of yourself, gentlemen. Take care of yourself simply because you deserve it. 

And as a side note for the day, buy your mom some flowers; heaven knows she deserves it for all of the years she's been giving you those tragic haircuts. 

The woman tries, you know? You have to love her for that. 

Cheers.

--Dapper Chris

If you are struggling to find a barber, check out this website and others like it for recommendations:http://www.findbarbers.com/

*Not, in fact, a man. But now you know what you look like.

Hygiene

Lets just establish something: there is no such thing as the "messy look" ...or the "scruffy look" ...or the "lazy look." All of these so called "statement looks" are really just excuses for people to be messy, scruffy, and lazy and avoid public ridicule while doing so.

You are not that man, and if you are, stop it.

Being a messy man has its place-- with your friends. Being a scruffy man has its place-- on a weekend away, fishing or camping. And being a lazy man has [had] its place-- in 1997, when we all looked awful even when we were trying to look good.

So lets talk about hygiene. When you wake up in the morning, what is the first thing you do? You had better quickly respond to that question with, "shower;" no excuses. A good shower can be the dividing line between a truly good and a truly horrific day. Showering, however, is not just climbing into the shower, turning on hot water, and singing in a pitch that only dogs can hear. Showering should be a daily ritual where you take the time to take care of yourself.

Every man needs 3 things in his shower: a good shampoo, a good conditioner, and a quality body soap or gel. Start with the shampoo to clean your hair and scalp and follow with a conditioner of your choice.

--Side note: A conditioner is the difference between this:

And this:

So don't treat it lightly.

You can find inexpensive shampoos and conditioners at any supermarket. Many soap companies even have special brands and scents for men so you don't have to worry about sacrificing your manhood on the alter or cleanliness to do so.

Once you have washed and conditioned your hair, give yourself a good scrub. Gentlemen do not simply "rinse off" in the shower. They, unlike primates, actually clean themselves with soap, and water.

Following your shower, it is important to get in a good shave. A man looks and feels his best with a shaved or trimmed face. No woman wants to touch the face of a man who looks like he just spent a year in Amish Country. I repeat, no woman.

A good shave should always be followed by a good face wash to clean out all of the dead skin that has been upheaved by shaving. Buy something simple, don't worry about costly brands with elaborate cleansing formulas-- simplicity is key.

Follow this with a good teeth-brushing, a bit of deodorant, and you're almost ready to go...except for one thing: the cologne.

Let me stress this, gentlemen. One spray, on the neck. ONE. SPRAY. Anything more and its just intrusive.

Stay clean! Be fresh. One spray!

Cheers.

--Dapper Chris

Lets Talk About It: Your Pants.

Gentlemen:

Let's catch up. Have you destroyed any evidence of your former denims? Enough that no one could track back to you your ownership of a pair (...pairs?) of those carpenter jeans? Good. Now before you head to the store to buy your new pair of 501 Levis, let's talk about a couple more options you have when it comes to purchasing the perfect pair of pants.

First, lets talk about chinos. Sound it out with me: chee-nos. I don't want you walking around like an idiot saying "chine-os" and having people think you're a racist. A chino, by definition, is a casual pant made from a cotton-twill fabric. It can be worn in both recreational settings as well as those deemed to be business-casual. You can wear a a chino with anything you'd pair with denim. Throw on a t-shit and you have a cool, causal look; throw on a collared shirt and you can wear it to the office. Chinos comfortable, light weight, and fairly easy to find. Choose a chino that is tailored to the leg and comfortable to move in. Ideally, the fit and style should look like this:

Chinos can be cuffed during warmer months to accomplish a more casual look as well. Feel free to buy your chinos in different colors for a more interesting look as well.

Second, lets talk about corduroys, or as they are often referred to as, "cords." Cords are the happy marriage between the comfort of denim and the versatility of chinos. The are typically made from cotton or wool and are quite a bit warmer than denim or chinos in the fall/winter months. When buying, keep in mind the same guidelines used when purchasing chinos: fit and comfort. Say it with me: FIT and COMFORT (with comfort always being secondary to fit). Just because something feels good, doesn't mean it looks good, and this is especially true of corduroy. Think about those charming sweats and pleated khakis your grandpa wears and you'll understand where I'm coming from-- keep your pants tailored close to the leg, and you'll be in good shape.

Now you a full 'to-do' list the next time you plan to go pant shopping. Don't spend a fortune, just find one or two pairs you like and start with that.

Onward and upward, good sirs!

Cheers.

--Dapper Chris

The Third Date

Last but not least, we have the big third date. You can taste the tension in the air.

I will be honest with you, gentlemen. For as much hype as is attached to this date, it really is a no-brainer:

Take the woman out to a nice dinner.

Just to aid us in the process, let's make a list of places that are NOT considered to be fine dining:

--Dennys.

--Ihop.

--Village Inn.

--Anywhere that advertises "pie" as a highlight of the menu

--Burger joints in general

--Pizza parlors

--Your parent's house

The list goes on and on.

Now let's talk about the qualifications of a nice restaurant. Keep in mind, this can still be affordable if you do it right, it will just take a little preparedness (can I stress enough how important this is?!)

When looking for a quality restaurant, it is important to know that it does not have to have 5 stars to impress. Many 4 star restaurants provide excellent service and high quality food as well, and do it for a fraction of the price. Things to look for on your restaurant hunt are as follows:

A chef. A good restaurant has a real chef; not just some kid right out of culinary school following a corporate-cookbook.

A wine menu. A quality wine-menu is a good indicator of the quality of a restaurant. Just because it exists, however, does not mean you have to order from it.

A little style, a little class. Find a place that has personality, is in a quality building in a good area, and that has earned a good reputation both online and from people you trust. A little class goes a long way.

Follow those steps, and you will be golden.

And lets just be clear, gentlemen. When you take a woman out to a nice restaurant, you put on a tie. Or a a blazer. At a minimum, a shirt with a collar. Don't kill yourself over it, just look the part.

Treat her like a lady, and I promise you she'll love you for it.

Cheers.

--Dapper Chris

Click here for an excellent example of what to look for when restaurant hunting:

http://johnberryhillrestaurants.com/berryhillandco/

The Second Date

Don't quit on me now, gentlemen! We are on to the second date. We have crossed the bridge over the first date and we are now going through the tunnel of the second. And what is at the end of that tunnel? The third date! And with it the possibility of actually starting a relationship. Now wouldn't that be nice?

As we did for the first date, let’s elaborate on the detials of your last unsuccessful second date. What did you do the last time that doomed you to failure? First of all, I hope you didn't call her right after you dropped her off from the first date to plan it. Bad move. I also hope you didn't call the next day. Or the day after. Or even the day after that, if we're being honest. Give it time, good sir. Give it time.

If you really had a great time, plan for two weeks following the first date and call towards the latter end of the first week. We want a woman to assume that you have a life outside of dating her-- even if you really don't-- so, we wait. We make the phone call. And then we plan the date on the phone, right? Wrong. When you call a woman to ask her on a second date, you always have your plans prepared beforehand.

The basics of this date, primarily preparedness, are the same as the first. We want your special lady to feel comfortable, and we want her in an atmosphere that you have under control. The second date, however, can differ from the first in one area: have some fun with it. By now you have probably completed the first-date ritual of "Where are you from?" "What is your family like?" "What are you studying or where are you working?" and the increasingly common, "What medications are you taking?" (the last one, though practical, was a joke, gentlemen. DO NOT ask a woman about anything related to her physical or mental well being on a first date... or a second... or even a third. In fact, let's just avoid those topics all together).

From the information you received on your first date, you should have a fairly clear idea of the girl's personality and interests by the second. Keep this in mind, and plan out an evening where you can explore each other’s interests further and have a good time doing so as well. Keep in mind, however, that the second date should still include some aspect of a sit-down dinner or refreshment. Just because you are doing something active or interesting does not excuse you from taking a girl out to dinner.

Some examples of dates that fit personalities are listed below:

For the adventurous girl: Take her on a hike and have a picnic prepared for the two of you to share at the top of the mountain. No PB&J; take time to make a meal that will really impress her.

For the history-buff: Take her to a local museum, and read up on the pieces in the exhibit so you know what you're talking about once you get there. End the night by taking her to a local gelateria where the two of you can talk about what you saw and read.

For the music lover: Find a local cafe or coffee shop that has a local talent night. Invite her to join you and listen to music while enjoying your drinks and eating coffee cake.

For the girl who's just looking for a good time: Invite her out to play mini-golf, to a seasonal carnival, or to a movie. Afterwards, enjoy a meal or ice cream together and take the time get to know one another better.

So gentlemen, as you can see your options are unlimited. Follow your gut and listen to your instincts and you'll know exactly what to do.

Best, to each of you. On to the third date!

Cheers.

--Dapper Chris