You will have to forgive me for my extended hiatus. I have been taking time to seriously think about dating and relationships and as a result, have (maybe for the first time in my life) found myself at a loss for words. After careful consideration and weeks of in-depth introspection I have arrived at two pivotal questions: What does it take to fall in love with someone? What does it take to have someone fall in love with you?
If you have been reading this blog in excess, you may have come to the conclusion that there are ways to "make" someone fall in love with you. But here is the truth: you have been deceived, and I apologize because it has been by my hand. What does it take to fall in love with someone and to have them fall in love with you?
Certainly not a new wardrobe.
Arguably, not even a clean shave, great tastes in art or literature, or knowing the best place in town to find an excellent steak or gelato.
These things simply help open the door a little bit; they allow us to get just one foot into a room that we may have otherwise never had the chance to explore.
But then what? You have your foot in some beautiful, charming, intelligent woman's door...
But have you ever taken the time to think about the status of your own door?
Is there room for the woman in your life to put her foot in? For her to make an entrance, look around, and explore. Or have you, like so many other men (including myself) been nervous-- scared, even-- to let someone in? Have you kept the screen door shut so while the illusion of openness is there, the opportunity is never truly given to see the pictures in the hallway or the dirt in the corners.
Why do we date, gentlemen? For pleasant company? For short-lived connection?
No.We date to find true, honest, and enduring love.
A love that is not guarded nor blind, as there is never a screen door obscuring the view.
I know that these may be weighty sentiments, and I know that what I am saying may be atypical for this blog; but the advice I give in this post is the advice that I have, in these last few weeks, been trying with a great amount of effort to teach myself.
I want to be in love as much as anyone, and I'm proud to be the kind of man that a woman is pleasantly surprised to find wearing a collared shirt and taking her out to a nice dinner. But I must-- in all my earnestness to find someone who will love and understand me-- also remember that there is a time where I must forgo the "finesse" that often accompanies my dating practices and remember to simply be myself.
Lets be honest:
Sometimes, I eat at Wendy's after a long day at work. They make a damn good burger.
Sometimes, I like to sit alone on a Friday night and watch a Romantic Comedy-- by myself-- and laugh and cry because somewhere out there, two fictional characters have pulled all of their shit together in a way that works and made it hilarious in the meantime.
Sometimes, I say "shit" online, for all my friends and family to see. Its not dignified, its not classy, and its most definitely not a word that any gentleman should ever say...
But lets be clear: sometimes, I'm not a gentleman. I think its impossible to be one all of the time.
And that, my friends, is the the dirt tucked away in my corners; the portraits on the wall of my front room. The door is open, and if you don't like what you see I ask you to close the door behind you on your way out.
Let us not be afraid of the opening the door. Let us make a practice of keeping them open and never being ashamed of what there is to see on the other side. Because if you take anything away from this post let it be this:
Opening the door is, and always has been, the gentleman's way.
So be a gentleman, gentlemen.
Cheers.
--Dapper Chris
