"Opening the Door"

Gentlemen--

You will have to forgive me for my extended hiatus. I have been taking time to seriously think about dating and relationships and as a result, have (maybe for the first time in my life) found myself at a loss for words. After careful consideration and weeks of in-depth introspection I have arrived at two pivotal questions: What does it take to fall in love with someone? What does it take to have someone fall in love with you?

If you have been reading this blog in excess, you may have come to the conclusion that there are ways to "make" someone fall in love with you. But here is the truth: you have been deceived, and I apologize because it has been by my hand. What does it take to fall in love with someone and to have them fall in love with you?

Certainly not a new wardrobe.

Arguably, not even a clean shave, great tastes in art or literature, or knowing the best place in town to find an excellent steak or gelato.

These things simply help open the door a little bit; they allow us to get just one foot into a room that we may have otherwise never had the chance to explore.

But then what? You have your foot in some beautiful, charming, intelligent woman's door...

But have you ever taken the time to think about the status of your own door?

Is there room for the woman in your life to put her foot in? For her to make an entrance, look around, and explore. Or have you, like so many other men (including myself) been nervous-- scared, even-- to let someone in? Have you kept the screen door shut so while the illusion of openness is there, the opportunity is never truly given to see the pictures in the hallway or the dirt in the corners.

Why do we date, gentlemen? For pleasant company? For short-lived connection?

No.We date to find true, honest, and enduring love.

A love that is not guarded nor blind, as there is never a screen door obscuring the view.

I know that these may be weighty sentiments, and I know that what I am saying may be atypical for this blog; but the advice I give in this post is the advice that I have, in these last few weeks, been trying with a great amount of effort to teach myself.

I want to be in love as much as anyone, and I'm proud to be the kind of man that a woman is pleasantly surprised to find wearing a collared shirt and taking her out to a nice dinner. But I must-- in all my earnestness to find someone who will love and understand me-- also remember that there is a time where I must forgo the "finesse" that often accompanies my dating practices and remember to simply be myself.

Lets be honest:

Sometimes, I eat at Wendy's after a long day at work. They make a damn good burger.

Sometimes, I like to sit alone on a Friday night and watch a Romantic Comedy-- by myself-- and laugh and cry because somewhere out there, two fictional characters have pulled all of their shit together in a way that works and made it hilarious in the meantime.

Sometimes, I say "shit" online, for all my friends and family to see. Its not dignified, its not classy, and its most definitely not a word that any gentleman should ever say...

But lets be clear: sometimes, I'm not a gentleman. I think its impossible to be one all of the time.

And that, my friends, is the the dirt tucked away in my corners; the portraits on the wall of my front room. The door is open, and if you don't like what you see I ask you to close the door behind you on your way out.

Let us not be afraid of the opening the door. Let us make a practice of keeping them open and never being ashamed of what there is to see on the other side. Because if you take anything away from this post let it be this:

Opening the door is, and always has been, the gentleman's way.

So be a gentleman, gentlemen.

Cheers.

--Dapper Chris

Lets Talk About It: Your Shorts.

I'm going to start with this synopsis so that if you don't have time to read today, then at least you have this:

Definitely yes, but not on you:

No.

No.

 

No.

Definitely 'No.' Ever. 

Easy enough, right?

Now, for the explanation:

Short denim shorts: Lets be honest: unless your twenty, young, beautiful, and female, then there is no way you can pull these off. Its not cute, its not funny. Don't wear them.

Cargo shorts: I doubt you're planning on starting a career as a smuggler, so these shorts should never be a part of your wardrobe. They make you look bulky, awkward, and unbalanced-- and those are adjectives that no one likes used descriptively.

Camo shorts: Don't wear camo unless you've earned it (i.e going to war, hunting, etc). And fyi, wearing camouflage  to Walmart on a Saturday = you haven't earned it. Keep trying. 

Plaid shorts: This trend began and ended almost as soon as this one did:

And we're all truly grateful for that, aren't we? 

Hawaiian print shorts: Made exclusively for George Clooney and your grandpa. Not for you, gentlemen.

Now lets talk about a solution:

Introducing, 'flat front shorts.'

Easy, clean, timeless.

Its simple and basic, just like today's post. But, as in life, its always better to keep things "short" and sweet if you ask me.

That's all folks! 

Cheers.

--Dapper Chris

Lets Talk About It: Your T-Shirt

Inspiration can come in the most interesting ways. Today, it came in the form of this:

Gentlemen, please. 

Lets take a step back. When you roll out of bed in the morning, open up your dresser, and pull this little gem of a shirt on, you are telling the world two things:

1) I don't respect myself and
2) I certainly don't respect you.

There is no woman who (in her right mind) would find you witty or attractive wearing something so blatantly offensive. And don't fool yourself into thinking that only "hot" girls will have the confidence to approach you when you wear a shirt like this.

I'm sorry, you're wrong.

Those girls will be too busy laughing with their attractive friends about how ridiculously juvenile you look in your ugly t-shirt. Which brings me to the next matter of concern:

What about this shirt says, "I am a well dressed, confident man"? Nothing. If anything, all this shirt says to a woman is:

"I spent too much money on a tacky piece of clothing, so you should know that whatever I get you for Christmas will probably follow the same trend."

And last but not least, why, WHY do we feel that this is okay:

You should be intelligent enough to talk for yourself at this point. Relying on your clothing to do it for you is simply...well...

pathetic.

So think about what you put on your back, gentlemen. Don't act stupid, and certainly don't look it. 

Cheers.

--Dapper Chris

Lets Talk About It: Your Pants.

Gentlemen:

Let's catch up. Have you destroyed any evidence of your former denims? Enough that no one could track back to you your ownership of a pair (...pairs?) of those carpenter jeans? Good. Now before you head to the store to buy your new pair of 501 Levis, let's talk about a couple more options you have when it comes to purchasing the perfect pair of pants.

First, lets talk about chinos. Sound it out with me: chee-nos. I don't want you walking around like an idiot saying "chine-os" and having people think you're a racist. A chino, by definition, is a casual pant made from a cotton-twill fabric. It can be worn in both recreational settings as well as those deemed to be business-casual. You can wear a a chino with anything you'd pair with denim. Throw on a t-shit and you have a cool, causal look; throw on a collared shirt and you can wear it to the office. Chinos comfortable, light weight, and fairly easy to find. Choose a chino that is tailored to the leg and comfortable to move in. Ideally, the fit and style should look like this:

Chinos can be cuffed during warmer months to accomplish a more casual look as well. Feel free to buy your chinos in different colors for a more interesting look as well.

Second, lets talk about corduroys, or as they are often referred to as, "cords." Cords are the happy marriage between the comfort of denim and the versatility of chinos. The are typically made from cotton or wool and are quite a bit warmer than denim or chinos in the fall/winter months. When buying, keep in mind the same guidelines used when purchasing chinos: fit and comfort. Say it with me: FIT and COMFORT (with comfort always being secondary to fit). Just because something feels good, doesn't mean it looks good, and this is especially true of corduroy. Think about those charming sweats and pleated khakis your grandpa wears and you'll understand where I'm coming from-- keep your pants tailored close to the leg, and you'll be in good shape.

Now you a full 'to-do' list the next time you plan to go pant shopping. Don't spend a fortune, just find one or two pairs you like and start with that.

Onward and upward, good sirs!

Cheers.

--Dapper Chris

Lets Talk About It: Carpenter Jeans

Carpenter Jeans.

Gentlemen, gentlemen-- lets have a chat. I am here to inform you of some great news: you can be whatever you want to be when you grow up! A doctor, a lawyer, a psychiatrist; shoot for the stars and abandon your career as a carpenter. Wait, you never wanted to be a carpenter? I'm afraid I'm confused. If you never wanted to be a carpenter, why are you be wearing the pair of denim you are now? Abandon your dreams of carpentry and lets make a fresh start (and when I say that "abandon", I mean burn your carpenter jeans and abandon their remains on the side of the road).

Carpenter jeans. I'll say it again for effect. Carpenter jeans. They were probably the first pair of jeans your mother ever bought for you and they had lots of cool loops and pockets for tools and rocks. So you probably thought: "I'm a man, I like tools, I like rocks; theses are the jeans for me." Unfortunately there are several things wrong with that way of thinking. First of all, you were probably five when you received your first pair of carpenter jeans; you were not a man. Secondly, I want you to think about the last time you slid on a pair of carpenter jeans and actually went out and fixed something. If you did, did you even use the loops for any tools?  Think about your entire life and lets be really honest: have you ever used those loops and pockets for their intended purpose? Unless your a contractor (or a carpenter or a rock collector) I would guess that your answer to both of these questions was an overwhelming 'NO.'

Thanks to clothing stores across the nation that emerged during the time of our youth  <<cough>> Old Navy <<cough>>, we have an entire generation of men who still allow their mothers to dress them up like they are little construction workers. Sure, it was endearing back in 1995 when you were still a child and filled with dreams of manual labor and ditch digging, but this is 2012 and men of this age have much higher ambitions.

So do not fret, modern gentlemen. There are options.

I want to introduce you to the 501 Levi: the man's denim. Men don't wear skinny jeans-- they leave that to self-conscious teenage boys. They also don't wear boot-cut jeans-- they leave that to self-conscious teenage girls. Real men wear a good straight cut jean, and that is the 501. When you are out looking for denim, start first by looking for a good dark wash jean. Unlike the carpenter jeans of your past with their nauseating baby blue hues and baggy fit, the dark-wash jean gives the wearer a more clean, cool, and sophisticated look. Dark-wash denim can be worn recreationally, but it is also versatile in the fact that it can be worn in more formal settings as well. Pair it with a t-shirt, you've got your weekend wear. Pair it with a nice collared shirt and a blazer, you can take it out on your hot-date this weekend. The trick is to keep it simple. Avoid special bleaching or tearing for now-- you can adopt denim that has been specially treated to add those effects after you have down the basics.

Find a great fit with a great color, and wear your denim with pride. No more will you be the man whose mother takes you to the local warehouse and buys his jeans for him. Now, you are a man. Now, you buy for yourself.

And as for the other women in your life, what is their opinion? Put yourself in their shoes and think: ditch-digger, or clean-cut gentleman?

The choice is yours.

Cheers.

--Dapper Chris

Lets Talk About It: The White New Balance Sneaker

The White New Balance Sneaker

Lets start from the ground up and begin with the most important part of your body-- your feet. If a man doesn't care for his feet then he is nothing short of a primate. What other than a good pair of shoes is there to differentiate us from our hominid ancestors? (other than a good suit, of course)

When you put on your dingy, old, New Balance sneaker in the morning, what are you saying to the world? Are you saying that you are heading to a workout right after class? No. What you're really saying is that you went to Shopko Express, pulled something off of the sale shelf, paid for it, and walked out. Lets just establish that anywhere produce is sold is not a place you should not be buying shoes. Ever.

And beyond where you bought the shoes, when you wear a pair of old sneakers is simply says to women everywhere, "I don't care." And while women may be thrilled by an apathetic man sweeping them off of their feet (i.e. James Dean) they definitely aren't looking for a man who doesn't care about anything at all; especially himself.

So dress it up a bit. Get out of the box and buy a good pair of boat shoes, bucks, or chukka boots. And if you don't know what those are-- Google them. Not only will you learn something, you'll probably find an online store that's selling exactly what your looking for.

Carry on, gents.

Cheers.

--Dapper Chris

Want more information? Read up on a women's perspective by clicking on the following link: "Shoe Crimes" --from dontyougochanging.blogspot.com