"Opening the Door"

Gentlemen--

You will have to forgive me for my extended hiatus. I have been taking time to seriously think about dating and relationships and as a result, have (maybe for the first time in my life) found myself at a loss for words. After careful consideration and weeks of in-depth introspection I have arrived at two pivotal questions: What does it take to fall in love with someone? What does it take to have someone fall in love with you?

If you have been reading this blog in excess, you may have come to the conclusion that there are ways to "make" someone fall in love with you. But here is the truth: you have been deceived, and I apologize because it has been by my hand. What does it take to fall in love with someone and to have them fall in love with you?

Certainly not a new wardrobe.

Arguably, not even a clean shave, great tastes in art or literature, or knowing the best place in town to find an excellent steak or gelato.

These things simply help open the door a little bit; they allow us to get just one foot into a room that we may have otherwise never had the chance to explore.

But then what? You have your foot in some beautiful, charming, intelligent woman's door...

But have you ever taken the time to think about the status of your own door?

Is there room for the woman in your life to put her foot in? For her to make an entrance, look around, and explore. Or have you, like so many other men (including myself) been nervous-- scared, even-- to let someone in? Have you kept the screen door shut so while the illusion of openness is there, the opportunity is never truly given to see the pictures in the hallway or the dirt in the corners.

Why do we date, gentlemen? For pleasant company? For short-lived connection?

No.We date to find true, honest, and enduring love.

A love that is not guarded nor blind, as there is never a screen door obscuring the view.

I know that these may be weighty sentiments, and I know that what I am saying may be atypical for this blog; but the advice I give in this post is the advice that I have, in these last few weeks, been trying with a great amount of effort to teach myself.

I want to be in love as much as anyone, and I'm proud to be the kind of man that a woman is pleasantly surprised to find wearing a collared shirt and taking her out to a nice dinner. But I must-- in all my earnestness to find someone who will love and understand me-- also remember that there is a time where I must forgo the "finesse" that often accompanies my dating practices and remember to simply be myself.

Lets be honest:

Sometimes, I eat at Wendy's after a long day at work. They make a damn good burger.

Sometimes, I like to sit alone on a Friday night and watch a Romantic Comedy-- by myself-- and laugh and cry because somewhere out there, two fictional characters have pulled all of their shit together in a way that works and made it hilarious in the meantime.

Sometimes, I say "shit" online, for all my friends and family to see. Its not dignified, its not classy, and its most definitely not a word that any gentleman should ever say...

But lets be clear: sometimes, I'm not a gentleman. I think its impossible to be one all of the time.

And that, my friends, is the the dirt tucked away in my corners; the portraits on the wall of my front room. The door is open, and if you don't like what you see I ask you to close the door behind you on your way out.

Let us not be afraid of the opening the door. Let us make a practice of keeping them open and never being ashamed of what there is to see on the other side. Because if you take anything away from this post let it be this:

Opening the door is, and always has been, the gentleman's way.

So be a gentleman, gentlemen.

Cheers.

--Dapper Chris

Courage, Men!

Courage: the ability to face danger, difficulty, uncertainty, or pain without being overcome by fear or being deflected from a chosen course of action.

Today, we go beyond what you're wearing, eating, or smelling like and talk about what it means to be a man-- men are courageous. 

How can you expect yourself to meet the woman of your dreams without a little chutspah? (if you need to google that word to find out what it means, we won't hold it against you...unless your Jewish and do, in fact, speak Yiddish).

Let's play out a scenario; we'll entitle it "Afternoon at the Cafe."

The scene opens with you, at a cafe, sitting near a beautiful woman.

You: (remain silent)
<<turn to face the beautiful woman>>

Her: (looks up from her meal and notices you)

...and now what?

You are a confident, well-groomed, well-dressed, independent man (and if you're not, you're getting there!) She's a beautiful woman with kind eyes and a copy of a popular novel sitting next to her grilled cheese sandwich. What do you do?

You: (casually, referring to her book) I've heard great things about that book.

Her: I've really enjoyed it so far.

You: Hi, my name is [Your Name Here]

Her: Hello.

You: Do you have a minute? I'd love to hear more about that book.

Her: I'm actually leaving now, but it was nice to meet you.
<<she quickly gathers her things and gets up to leave>>

The End.

"But wait!" --you may say-- "She just walked away and totally blew me off! I was courageous to even talk to her!"

Yes, it was courageous to talk to her, but that is not the true test of your courage. Real courage is pulling yourself up off of the ground and taking the opportunity to talk to the next beautiful woman that comes your way-- even after this tragic mishap.

Gentlemen, if I were to offer you any advice it would simply be this:

"Courage is more than simply being the bravest man in the bunch, it is being the man who is most willing to try again, even after an apparent failure."

So get back up on your feet, good sirs. Continue your search for love and adventure.

Cheers, my friends.

--Dapper Chris

What is Beautiful?

Today, a bit more serious post. Beauty. 

To begin, do not expect this to be step-by-step instructions on how to meet beautiful women. This is not that kind of post. Today, we talk about the definition of beauty and the ways in which we define it. 

To start, lets look at this woman:

Yes, she's beautiful. You would bring her back to your place on a Friday night and all of your friends would probably give you high-fives for meeting her, 'catching' her, and claiming her as your own. You'd be admired and respected, right?

Maybe. But is that realistic? Is that really what you're looking for?

The last time I checked, we were looking for a woman, not a status symbol. 

Now, lets be real. What is real beauty and what is a real woman?

Gentlemen, I challenge you to broaden your horizons. The woman above is Kate Upton. She's a 20 year old swimsuit model who has been featured in magazines like Sports Illustrated and Esquire. Its obvious why a million men around the world find her beautiful. 

But now think about the women in your life. Think about the last girl you took out to dinner. Think about the women you meet in the office or that you see on the street. Think about what catches your eye and delve in beyond the superficial. These women may not be super-models, and they may not cause your friends to cheer and congratulate you upon your arrival, but they are beautiful. 

Notice the little things. 

Freckles. 

A crooked smile. 

Beautiful eyes. 

Because at the end of the day its not the obvious things that will make her beautiful to you...

It will be the details.

And honestly, who cares what your friends think?
If they are alone at home, on a Friday night, waiting for you to bring someone home for them to judge, odds are that they're all probably single anyways. 

Cheers.

--Dapper Chris

Lets Talk About It: Your T-Shirt

Inspiration can come in the most interesting ways. Today, it came in the form of this:

Gentlemen, please. 

Lets take a step back. When you roll out of bed in the morning, open up your dresser, and pull this little gem of a shirt on, you are telling the world two things:

1) I don't respect myself and
2) I certainly don't respect you.

There is no woman who (in her right mind) would find you witty or attractive wearing something so blatantly offensive. And don't fool yourself into thinking that only "hot" girls will have the confidence to approach you when you wear a shirt like this.

I'm sorry, you're wrong.

Those girls will be too busy laughing with their attractive friends about how ridiculously juvenile you look in your ugly t-shirt. Which brings me to the next matter of concern:

What about this shirt says, "I am a well dressed, confident man"? Nothing. If anything, all this shirt says to a woman is:

"I spent too much money on a tacky piece of clothing, so you should know that whatever I get you for Christmas will probably follow the same trend."

And last but not least, why, WHY do we feel that this is okay:

You should be intelligent enough to talk for yourself at this point. Relying on your clothing to do it for you is simply...well...

pathetic.

So think about what you put on your back, gentlemen. Don't act stupid, and certainly don't look it. 

Cheers.

--Dapper Chris

Learn how to cook! Pt. 1

In 8,000 B.C. when a man wanted to impress a woman, he did two things:

1) Killed a mammoth

2) [More or less] grilled it. 

Easy, right?

Yet with the decline in cavemen and the early extinction of mammoths, this tradition has all but died in their absence. But lets observe the pattern here:

A man loves a woman SO he wants to impress her SO he finds some quality meat AND he prepares it in a way that is both tasteful and delicious (cavemen did the best with what they had, you can too!)

I don't care what anyone tells you; grilling is an essential aspect of masculinity. If you want to be a man, learn first how to buy meat and second, how to prepare it. 

Think of all those summer days in your backyard growing up-- your dad grilling on the porch and your mom in the kitchen making a potato salad-- did you ever hear her complain that your dad was helping her prepare a meal? 

No.

So be like dad (or a very dapper caveman) and make the effort to cook for your lady. 

It may not be mammoth and it may not be your dad's prime rib, but here is a good starter recipe for a man looking to make an impression:

Marinated Chicken Breast

To begin, you will need:

1 tablespoon of soy sauce

2 tablespoons of vegetable oil

1 tablespoon of Worcestershire sauce

1 teaspoon of lemon juice

2 tablespoons of brown sugar

2 tablespoons of ketchup

4 chicken breasts

Fresh basil

Clover honey, to taste

Go to the local super market and purchase the above ingredients. When buying chicken, ensure that it is Grade A and check that the meat is well sealed and that the packaging is not leaky. Check the sell-by date and stay away from meat with odd smells or odors. Chicken can range in color from yellow to pink to white, but stay away from chicken that has turned a gray color.

Gray chicken = bad news.

Once all ingredients have been collected, place soy sauce, vegetable oil, Worcestershire sauce, lemon juice, brown sugar, and ketchup in a bowl. Stir until the mixture well blended and devoid of any lumps.

Divide the mixture between two separate plastic bags. Place two chicken breasts in each bag and ensure that the mixture covers the meat. 

Let the chicken marinate for at least 6 hours (it may be wise to prepare the marinade in the morning and let the meat marinate all day in preparation for your special night).

Once marinated, grill the chicken until it is no longer pink in the center and has reached a temperature of 170 degrees. 

Place on a plate and garnish with finely chopped fresh basil. Finish with a glaze of honey to taste. 

And there you have it, gents!

Easy, delicious, and impressive. Just like mammoth.

Kind of.

Cheers.

--Dapper Chris

Lets Talk About It: Your Hair

Now that we have covered how to take care of your hair, lets discuss how to cut it.

To start, this is not acceptable:

He looks ridiculous. So do you. 

And this look?

Not acceptable, either.
He* looks ridiculous. So do you.

I think it wise to simply avoid any haircut that looks like you did it yourself in the dark. Agreed?

Now, some rules:

1) The 'gel look' died around the same time that this guy did (circa 1994):

--Sorry, John Candy. 
2) Your mom is not a hairdresser, or a barber. Fire her.
--Sorry, mom. 
3) Men go to barbers, not hairdressers. 
4) A good barber can only fix so much on a poorly cut head of hair; save your time and money and do it right the first time.

And lastly...

5) Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy a good haircut.

--And that's practically the same thing.

Find a good barber, and tell him what kind of looks you are interested in. Bring in some photos of cuts that you like and ask him if they would work with your hair. Remember, it is the barber's job to provide you with a quality experience and a quality cut. Don't be afraid to ask questions and to take your time doing so. 

And once your cut is over, ask the barber what products he suggests for styling your hair. Remember, take your time at the barber shop; this is your time to focus on you.

Keep this tips in mind, and you will be amazed at the results. Take care of yourself, gentlemen. Take care of yourself simply because you deserve it. 

And as a side note for the day, buy your mom some flowers; heaven knows she deserves it for all of the years she's been giving you those tragic haircuts. 

The woman tries, you know? You have to love her for that. 

Cheers.

--Dapper Chris

If you are struggling to find a barber, check out this website and others like it for recommendations:http://www.findbarbers.com/

*Not, in fact, a man. But now you know what you look like.

The Second Date

Don't quit on me now, gentlemen! We are on to the second date. We have crossed the bridge over the first date and we are now going through the tunnel of the second. And what is at the end of that tunnel? The third date! And with it the possibility of actually starting a relationship. Now wouldn't that be nice?

As we did for the first date, let’s elaborate on the detials of your last unsuccessful second date. What did you do the last time that doomed you to failure? First of all, I hope you didn't call her right after you dropped her off from the first date to plan it. Bad move. I also hope you didn't call the next day. Or the day after. Or even the day after that, if we're being honest. Give it time, good sir. Give it time.

If you really had a great time, plan for two weeks following the first date and call towards the latter end of the first week. We want a woman to assume that you have a life outside of dating her-- even if you really don't-- so, we wait. We make the phone call. And then we plan the date on the phone, right? Wrong. When you call a woman to ask her on a second date, you always have your plans prepared beforehand.

The basics of this date, primarily preparedness, are the same as the first. We want your special lady to feel comfortable, and we want her in an atmosphere that you have under control. The second date, however, can differ from the first in one area: have some fun with it. By now you have probably completed the first-date ritual of "Where are you from?" "What is your family like?" "What are you studying or where are you working?" and the increasingly common, "What medications are you taking?" (the last one, though practical, was a joke, gentlemen. DO NOT ask a woman about anything related to her physical or mental well being on a first date... or a second... or even a third. In fact, let's just avoid those topics all together).

From the information you received on your first date, you should have a fairly clear idea of the girl's personality and interests by the second. Keep this in mind, and plan out an evening where you can explore each other’s interests further and have a good time doing so as well. Keep in mind, however, that the second date should still include some aspect of a sit-down dinner or refreshment. Just because you are doing something active or interesting does not excuse you from taking a girl out to dinner.

Some examples of dates that fit personalities are listed below:

For the adventurous girl: Take her on a hike and have a picnic prepared for the two of you to share at the top of the mountain. No PB&J; take time to make a meal that will really impress her.

For the history-buff: Take her to a local museum, and read up on the pieces in the exhibit so you know what you're talking about once you get there. End the night by taking her to a local gelateria where the two of you can talk about what you saw and read.

For the music lover: Find a local cafe or coffee shop that has a local talent night. Invite her to join you and listen to music while enjoying your drinks and eating coffee cake.

For the girl who's just looking for a good time: Invite her out to play mini-golf, to a seasonal carnival, or to a movie. Afterwards, enjoy a meal or ice cream together and take the time get to know one another better.

So gentlemen, as you can see your options are unlimited. Follow your gut and listen to your instincts and you'll know exactly what to do.

Best, to each of you. On to the third date!

Cheers.

--Dapper Chris

The First Date

I tread cautiously, writing this post. I know many a man who has a very carefully planned dating ritual and I hate to impede upon years of practice and habit. But, if you are still single and all of your planning has left you at a dead end-- fear not. I have answers.

Let us reminisce on the last date you took a woman on. Where did you go? What did you do? Was there a second date? I fear that far too many men don't know what it is that women are looking for on a first date, and so their answers to those questions probably went as follows:

"To a Golden Corral."
"Ate at Golden Corral, and then rocked out to radio-hits."
"No, there was not a second date."
--Of course there wasn't!

There is no woman on earth who is going to be impressed by your lack of taste in restaurants and your prepubescent sounding baritone. The only woman who might love you after a night like that would be your  mother, and even that would be by force of habit.

So what to do? Are all of your options exhausted? Here's where we start: restaurant hunting. Go out and try a couple 3-4 star restaurants in your area. Feel comfortable asking the waiter what is good and what isn't. Use online review sites like Yelp or Zagat to aid you along the way and talk to people you know and trust and ask them their opinions on the places you have selected. The goal intended is to have you prepared; a woman loves a man who knows what he's doing.

Choose a restaurant that you like-- the food, the atmosphere-- just keep in mind that this restaurant represents you on your future date. The service, the dining experience, even the waiter will have an effect on the woman's opinion of you at the end of the night, so be choosy. Make a reservation beforehand, even if you know the restaurant will have openings the night of your date. As I have stressed this entire post, our goal is for you to always be prepared. We don't you floundering about like an ignoramus while still trying to make a good first impression.

Once you arrive at the restaurant, open the door for her on the way in. Pull out her chair and ensure that she is allowed to order first and ask the waiter questions she may have concerning the menu. Be confident in your decision to eat where you chose. If she has questions for you, answer them to the best of your ability. Have your meal chosen before hand and share with her your experience with the restaurant and why it was that you chose it.

Again, a restaurant does not have to be 'fine dining' to be considered acceptable. Just make sure its somewhere you are comfortable; somewhere with personality where you can be confident about the food, service, and atmosphere. The benefit of doing so is obvious: even if the date goes poorly, at least you got to eat at one of your [new] favorite restaurants. Consider it your reward for branching out.

So, in review:

No buffets.
No singing.
Choose your restaurant with confidence.

Its easy, gentlemen. Enjoy.

Cheers.

--Dapper Chris

Lets Talk About It: Carpenter Jeans

Carpenter Jeans.

Gentlemen, gentlemen-- lets have a chat. I am here to inform you of some great news: you can be whatever you want to be when you grow up! A doctor, a lawyer, a psychiatrist; shoot for the stars and abandon your career as a carpenter. Wait, you never wanted to be a carpenter? I'm afraid I'm confused. If you never wanted to be a carpenter, why are you be wearing the pair of denim you are now? Abandon your dreams of carpentry and lets make a fresh start (and when I say that "abandon", I mean burn your carpenter jeans and abandon their remains on the side of the road).

Carpenter jeans. I'll say it again for effect. Carpenter jeans. They were probably the first pair of jeans your mother ever bought for you and they had lots of cool loops and pockets for tools and rocks. So you probably thought: "I'm a man, I like tools, I like rocks; theses are the jeans for me." Unfortunately there are several things wrong with that way of thinking. First of all, you were probably five when you received your first pair of carpenter jeans; you were not a man. Secondly, I want you to think about the last time you slid on a pair of carpenter jeans and actually went out and fixed something. If you did, did you even use the loops for any tools?  Think about your entire life and lets be really honest: have you ever used those loops and pockets for their intended purpose? Unless your a contractor (or a carpenter or a rock collector) I would guess that your answer to both of these questions was an overwhelming 'NO.'

Thanks to clothing stores across the nation that emerged during the time of our youth  <<cough>> Old Navy <<cough>>, we have an entire generation of men who still allow their mothers to dress them up like they are little construction workers. Sure, it was endearing back in 1995 when you were still a child and filled with dreams of manual labor and ditch digging, but this is 2012 and men of this age have much higher ambitions.

So do not fret, modern gentlemen. There are options.

I want to introduce you to the 501 Levi: the man's denim. Men don't wear skinny jeans-- they leave that to self-conscious teenage boys. They also don't wear boot-cut jeans-- they leave that to self-conscious teenage girls. Real men wear a good straight cut jean, and that is the 501. When you are out looking for denim, start first by looking for a good dark wash jean. Unlike the carpenter jeans of your past with their nauseating baby blue hues and baggy fit, the dark-wash jean gives the wearer a more clean, cool, and sophisticated look. Dark-wash denim can be worn recreationally, but it is also versatile in the fact that it can be worn in more formal settings as well. Pair it with a t-shirt, you've got your weekend wear. Pair it with a nice collared shirt and a blazer, you can take it out on your hot-date this weekend. The trick is to keep it simple. Avoid special bleaching or tearing for now-- you can adopt denim that has been specially treated to add those effects after you have down the basics.

Find a great fit with a great color, and wear your denim with pride. No more will you be the man whose mother takes you to the local warehouse and buys his jeans for him. Now, you are a man. Now, you buy for yourself.

And as for the other women in your life, what is their opinion? Put yourself in their shoes and think: ditch-digger, or clean-cut gentleman?

The choice is yours.

Cheers.

--Dapper Chris

Art.

Lets cut straight to the point:
Put some art on your walls. 

Find some prints or quality photographs, blow them up to poster size, and either frame them or buy some stretcher bars at your local hardware store to turn them into canvases. Find art you're passionate about; things that really catch your eye. Our goal here is for a woman to walk into your home and think to herself, "This man has culture," or "this man has personality."

And lets be clear: swimsuit models don't qualify you as either cultured or interesting. Neither do unframed movie posters. Sorry, gents. 

Check out these websites for great deals on inexpensive art:

http://www.art.com/gallery/id--c23944/fine-art-prints.htm?ui=582444D84B7A47EC9AA999664568208E

http://www.icanvasart.com/fine-art-best-sellers.html

http://www.costcophotocenter.com/PremiumContent/SelectImage/?p=78975c06-35ca-49ce-a546-5f5b8b390c70

Cheers. 

--Dapper Chris

Two prints by Lichtenstein on display in my dining room. 

In the Movies.

Gentlemen:

Think of the last movie you saw with a man who had every woman he wanted. I can promise you it wasn't the Avengers or Cabin in the Woods, and it definitely wasn't The Dictator (shame on you if you even saw that one). Think back further. Remember that Steve Carell movie that came out a little while back? It was entitled Crazy, Stupid, Love. Now I don't think we need to go into all the details of this film, but I do want to bring to mind a particular character from the movie (here's a hint, it wasn't Steve Carell or even Kevin Bacon). Remember the character, Jacob? Or as we might call him in man-culture: the guy who got with Emma Stone? The guy that all of us wanted to be at the end of the movie. I want you to picture that character very clearly in your mind and remember his entrance into the film.

When we first meet the character of Jacob, the camera starts on his shoes (NOTE: they are not New Balance sneakers) and slowly pans upward until reaching his face. Why do they do this, you may ask? Well, in order to understand it a bit better, lets go back a little further into the history of film and examine the way male protagonists are introduced in a scene.

If we go back far enough, there is a fascinating French film from 1937 by Julien Duvivier entitled Pepe le Moko. The film tells the story of a french gangster living in the Casbah of Algier and his chase of a beautiful woman (as well as his escape from several others). As we meet this character, the pan of the camera is exactly the same as it is when covering the character of Jacob in Crazy, Stupid, Love. We see the shoes; well shined. We see the suit; well tailored. We see the face; well groomed. We see the hair; well cut. And we see the man-- filled with confidence-- approaching the woman he wants without hesitation.

So what is the lesson here? Why should we pay attention to these iconic men in cinema and what are the lessons we learn by doing so? Well, whether you want to be the smooth talking "Jacob" of today or the effortlessly slick "Pepe le Moko" of yesterday, keep this in mind:

Shine your shoes.
Tailor your suits.
Groom your face.
Cut your hair.
Be a man.

If you want this:

First, you have to be this:

Cheers.

--Dapper Chris

Lets Talk About It: The White New Balance Sneaker

The White New Balance Sneaker

Lets start from the ground up and begin with the most important part of your body-- your feet. If a man doesn't care for his feet then he is nothing short of a primate. What other than a good pair of shoes is there to differentiate us from our hominid ancestors? (other than a good suit, of course)

When you put on your dingy, old, New Balance sneaker in the morning, what are you saying to the world? Are you saying that you are heading to a workout right after class? No. What you're really saying is that you went to Shopko Express, pulled something off of the sale shelf, paid for it, and walked out. Lets just establish that anywhere produce is sold is not a place you should not be buying shoes. Ever.

And beyond where you bought the shoes, when you wear a pair of old sneakers is simply says to women everywhere, "I don't care." And while women may be thrilled by an apathetic man sweeping them off of their feet (i.e. James Dean) they definitely aren't looking for a man who doesn't care about anything at all; especially himself.

So dress it up a bit. Get out of the box and buy a good pair of boat shoes, bucks, or chukka boots. And if you don't know what those are-- Google them. Not only will you learn something, you'll probably find an online store that's selling exactly what your looking for.

Carry on, gents.

Cheers.

--Dapper Chris

Want more information? Read up on a women's perspective by clicking on the following link: "Shoe Crimes" --from dontyougochanging.blogspot.com

Gentlemen: An introduction

Gentlemen of Provo--

I come to you in a moment of desperation. I have seen far too many of you wasting away the best years of your life in a stupor of both thought and lifestyle. You cannot carry on in this way; here and now is where we change this.

In this blog I would like to address some of the issues that plague our fair city and the men within it.

Are you single? No surprise. Here is where you re-find your manhood.

Cheers.

--Dapper Chris